I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
