My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
