I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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