Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
