I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
