The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My vagina is officially offended.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
