I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
