i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
