so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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