I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
