i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
