I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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