Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
