Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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