you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
