Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
