I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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