It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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