5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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