never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
