On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
