remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize