Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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