It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
