If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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