I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
