dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
