Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
