I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
