Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
