; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
