There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
