Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
