Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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