The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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