whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
