were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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