you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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