i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
