I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
