Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
