no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
