That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
