I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
