my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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