Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
