he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
