I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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