if i can run in heels then i can drive
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
