the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
