i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
