last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
