I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
