drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
