We talked him into tasing himself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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