she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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