My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
