can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
