he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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