i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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