now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
