i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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