Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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