You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
