I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize